If there’s one thing the Welsh are good at, it’s being able to poke fun at ourselves. That’s why I’ve put together this list of lighthearted jokes about the Welsh which I hope will give you a little giggle.
Don’t worry, these jokes are pretty clean so you can share them with your colleagues and families.
Short Jokes and One-Liners About Wales
Short and to the point, no, I’m not talking about myself, I’m talking about this first section of jokes and one-liners about Wales.
1. A Welshman goes for an eye test. The optician says “Can you read this chart from top to bottom?”. The Welshman replies, “Read it!? I flippin’ know the guy!”.
2. How do you get two whales in a car? Start in England and drive West.
3. I used to date a Welsh girl with 36DDs.It was a long name.
4. The Welsh language was invented by someone losing at Scrabble.
5. My wife asked me if I was having an affair with a woman from Llanfairpwllgwyngyllgogerychwyrndrobwyllllantysiliogogogoch. I said: “How can you say such a thing?”
6. How does a Welshman find his sheep in tall grass? Very satisfying!
7. What's the difference between Wales and a tea bag? The tea bag stays in the cup longer!
8. How do you make a Welshman laugh on a Saturday night? Tell him a joke on a Wednesday!
9. Why did the Welshman bring a ladder to the bar? He heard the drinks were on the house!
10. What's the difference between the Welsh nationalist party and a tartan Toyota? One's Plaid Cymru, the other's a plaid Camry.
11. It's not even midnight on New Year's Eve and my Welsh friend just messaged me "Blwyddyn Newydd Dda". He must be smashed already.
12. What do you get if you cross an animated children’s penguin with a Welsh microwave oven? A Popti-Pingu
13. How do you say goodbye in Wales? Farewelsh.
Longer Jokes About Wales
If you’ve got a little more time to tell the jokes, here are my three top long jokes about Wales.
1. Creation of Wales
When God was crafting Wales, he adorned it with sheep and cows for food and clothing. He gifted it with coal to keep its people warm. He bestowed rolling hills, enchanting valleys, and majestic mountains that reached the heavens.
Upon completing his work, God gently kissed the highest mountain, creating the very first Welshman. The Welshman, filled with awe, questioned, "My Lord, why have you blessed me with all these remarkable treasures?"
God chuckled and replied, "My child, wait till you meet the neighbours!”
2. Tom Jones Syndrome
A man goes to the doctor and says "I don't know what's come over me: I've grown a hairy chest, sideburns and I've started speaking in a Welsh accent.”
"Ah", said the doctor, "I think you have Tom Jones syndrome".
“Oh no”, says the man, "is it common?"
The doctor says, "It's not unusual."
3. Three Wishes
A Welshman, an Englishman, and a Scot come across a lantern. A genie pops out and offers to grant them each a wish.
The Scot says: “I am a sheep herder, like my dad before me. I want my country to be full of sheep farms.” Whoosh, and so it was.
The Englishman couldn’t believe his eyes. He asked: “I want a wall around England to keep those pesky Scots and Welsh people out.” Boom, just like that England was surrounded with a wall.
Now it’s the Welshman’s turn. But first, he says “Tell me more about this wall.”
The genie says, “It’s 200ft high, 100ft thick, and it runs all the way around England so nothing can get in or out.”
The Welshman says: “Fill it with water.”
Published: 6 July 2023